First Page- Young Adult Fiction

Would you want to read more? Be honest.


I was at peace for the first time in months, almost hypnotized by the birds circling the bright summer sky above me. The only thing that kept me tied to this world was the chill of the water. I closed my eyes and gave in to the sensation, let my mind go where it wanted. Usually I avoided thoughts of my father’s death and the aftermath at all costs. But being in the water again felt like home, and I just wanted to quit trying so hard for a little while.

A voice was in my head before my eyes completely closed, one of the many that crept in unwanted. I didn't try to make out her words. I didn’t really listen to most of what she told me back then. She sat in her floral armchair, one leg drawn up under the other, and watched me while her shoeless foot idly wiggled. I told her the things she wanted to hear.

“I miss my dad. This isn’t fair!” Sometimes I brought on just a tear or two, never enough to be in danger of really breaking down. “Everything reminds me that he isn’t here anymore.”

She nodded her head compassionately, causing her sleek white-blond hair to bob up and down on her shoulders. She tried to make me feel better and I pretended to listen while my mind wandered.

Was this really what she wanted to do with her life? Sit and listen to other people’s problems even though she couldn’t actually help them. Maybe she could change their outlook, but that wouldn't help in my case.

There was no way I was going to get better, at least not until I could find a way to quiet the voices.

Writing Progress

So here we are. It's Thursday, the day that I should have had chapter one polished to a gleaming jewel. What I actually have is a rewritten chapter one that I am happier with than the rough draft. Rather than post it here, I am trying to post on a writer's forum for some much needed feedback. If it comes back reader worthy, I'll post a snippet here.

I am listening to Norah Jones on the iPod. I turn to her when I am in need of soothing sounds.

Why is it the internet always seems to slow down at the precise moment when you are trying to post something? I sit here watching the little circle spin endlessly around, and wonder if that is just some programmers cruel little trick.

I envision miniature evil minions running rampant thru the Internet signals creating roadblocks for the information highway. The programmers know this, but they also know there is nothing they can do to stop the evil minions. They present you with the rotating circles knowing that you will eventually just give up on this try and come back later.

And that's exactly what I do. What other choice do I have against evil little minions and cruel programmers?